Blonde Jokes

What do you call a smart blonde? 
A golden retriever

A redhead, a brunette, and a blonde are riding in an elevator. The redhead notices a spot on the elevator wall and says, "That looks like a cum stain!" The brunette leans over and smells the stain. "Smells like a cum stain too!"  The blonde leans over and licks the spot on the elevator wall, then says, "Yep, but it's nobody from this building."

Why does a blonde only change her baby's diapers once a month?
Because it says right on it "good for up to 20 pounds."

What do you call a dead blonde in the closet?
The 1986 hide and go seek champion

A young blonde went to her doctor complaining of pain.  
"Where are you hurting?" the doctor asked.
"All over," said the woman.
"What do you mean, all over? Be more specific."
The woman touched her right knee with her index finger and yelled, "Ow, that hurts!"
Then she touched her left cheek and yelled, "Ouch! That hurts, too."
Then she touched her right earlobe. "Ow, even THAT hurts," she cried.
The doctor observed her thoughtfully and asked, "Are you a natural blonde?"
"Why, yes."
"I thought so. You have a broken finger."

One morning this blonde calls her friend and says "Please come over and help me.  I bought this killer jigsaw puzzle, but I can't figure out how to start it."
Her friend asks, "What is it a puzzle of?" The blonde says, "From the picture on the box, it's a tiger."
The blonde's friend figures that he's pretty good at puzzles, so he heads over to help her out.  The blonde has the puzzle spread out all over the table.  He studies the pieces for a moment, then studies the box.
He then says, "First, no matter what I do, I cannot show you how to assemble these to look like that picture of a tiger."
"Second, I'd advise you to relax, have a cup of coffee, and put all these Frosted Flakes back in the box."

How many blondes does it take to change a light bulb?
Two - one to hold the Diet Pepsi and one to call Daddy

Why did the blonde take two hits of acid?
She wanted to go on a round trip

What does a blonde say during a porno?
There I am!!

Why don't blondes talk while having sex?
Their mothers told them not to talk to strangers

What does a blonde say after multiple orgasms?
Way to go team!

Who makes bras for brunettes?
Fisher-Price

What do you call a brunette with a good-looking man?
Hostage

How can you tell when a fax has been sent from a blonde?
There's a stamp on it

Did you hear about the blonde coyote?
Got stuck in a trap, chewed off her leg and was still stuck

A blonde was walking down the road past a barley field. There she saw another blonde in the middle of the field in a rowboat, rowing as hard as she could. The first blonde realized how this reflects badly on all blondes and thought, "I'm gonna say something!"
She leaned over the fence and yelled, "You're the kind of blonde that give us all a bad name. If I could swim, I'd come over there and teach you a lesson!"

What did the blonde say when she woke up under the cow?
What are you guys still doing here?

What's the difference between a brunette and the trash?
At least the trash gets taken out once a week.

What's the difference between a blonde and a shopping cart?
The shopping cart has a mind of its own

Why are there so many blonde jokes?
It gives brunettes and redheads something to do on Saturday night

Why was the blonde delighted when she finished the jigsaw puzzle in 11 months?
The box said "two to four years"

What do brunettes miss out on the most at a great party?
The invitation

What do blondes and turtles have in common?
Once they're on their back, they're screwed

What do you do when a blonde throws a pin at you?
Run like hell! She's got a hand grenade in her mouth.

Why did the blondes stare at the orange juice for two hours?
The label said concentrate

What's the mating call for a blonde?
"I think I'm getting drunk."

What do blondes and cow chips have in common?
The older they get, the easier they are to pick up

Blonde walks into a bar, asks for a 15. What does she want?
A seven and seven

What did the blonde call her pet zebra?
Spot

Why did the blonde have square breasts?
She forgot to take the Kleenex out of the box

How do you drown a blonde?
Put a scratch and sniff sticker on the bottom of a pool

Two blondes are walking along and see some tracks. The first one says, "Look at those deer tracks!" The second one says, "No, they look like moose tracks." They were still arguing when the train hit them.

Why did the blonde drive around the block ten times?
Her turn signal was stuck

How did the blonde break her leg while raking leaves?
She fell out of the tree

Why did the blonde climb the chain link fence?
To see what was on the other side

What does a blonde do first thing in the morning?
Introduces herself and goes home

What does a blonde say after sex?
"All you guys play for the same team?"

What does a blonde say when she gets pregnant?
"Gee, I hope it's mine!"

Why did the blonde cross the road?
She doesn't know either