Yo mama is so fat...

After sex I rolled over 2 times and was still on the bitch

She filled up the tub then turned the water on

When we played hide and seek I spotted her behind the Himalayas

When she walked in front of the TV I missed 3 commercials

When she comes inside your house the tires pop

On Thanksgiving day she ate dinner for 6 hours and then said, "I am going to walk this meal off."  I said, "Call me when you get to Brazil."

I took her to dinner and the waitress took her order in shorthand

She wears a hat with a blinking red light to scare off airplanes

She can't reach her back pocket

The National Weather Agency assigns names to her farts

When she has sex, she has to give directions

She stepped on a rainbow and made Skittles

When she went to the beach, whales came up and sang "We Are Family"

She influences the tides

She wakes up in sections

They threw puffed rice at her wedding

She's on both sides of the family

It took me two hours to download her picture off the 'net

She gets clothes in three sizes: extra large, jumbo, and oh-my-god-it's-coming-towards-us

When you get on top of her your ears pop

The only thing attracted to her is gravity

When she dances she makes the band skip

Her cereal bowl came with a lifeguard

When she ran away, they had to use all four sides of the milk carton

When she crosses the street, cars look out for her

After she gets through turning around, they throw her a welcome back party

Her beeper went off and people thought she was backing up

She can't stand on a basketball court for 3 seconds without getting called for a key violation

She was baptized in tartar sauce

When you hang up her picture the whole wall comes down

When she was a kid she could only play seek

When she runs, car alarms go off

It took five UFOs to abduct her

When I ask for Kool-Aid, she runs through the wall

She went swimming in the ocean and the Spanish claimed her as a new continent

She has to wear a sock on each toe

The police showed her a picture of her feet and she could not identify them

She broke the family tree

You have to grease the door frame and hold a Twinkie on the other side just to get her through

She's got shock absorbers on her toilet seat

The only pictures they have of her are via satellite

She makes Free Willy look like a Tic Tac

When she was diagnosed with a flesh-eating disease the doctor gave her 13 years to live

She went to a liquor store and bought a 40 oz. of gravy

Instead of wide leg jeans, she wears wide load

I shot the bitch and Crisco came out

She eats pumpkin pies like Skittles

She sat in BigFoot and made it a lowrider

When I have sex with her I have to slap her ass and ride the wave in

When she wears corduroy pants the ridges flatten out

They had to change "One size fits all" to "One size fits everybody but yo mama"

She uses bowling balls for earrings

When I swerved to avoid hitting her on the road, I ran out of gas

She stepped on my cat's tail and now I call him "Beaver"

She tried to get a tan and the sun burned out

All her clothes have to be custom made by a contractor

She fell off a boat and the captain yelled "Land ho!"

You can pinch an inch on her forehead

She gets her toenails painted at Earl Schieb's

Every time she eats at McDonald's, they have to go outside and double the number on the sign

Her ass has its own congressman

All the restaurants in town have signs that say: "Maximum Occupancy: 240 Patrons OR Yo Mama"

When she gets in an elevator, it HAS to go down

She bungee jumped and brought down the bridge

She bungee jumped and went straight to hell

She has to put her belt on with a boomerang

She installed chairs in the refrigerator

When your family brings home groceries they need to hire a rodeo clown to distract her

She wore a Malcolm X shirt and helicopters tried to land on her

She fell over and rocked herself to sleep trying to get up

The last time she saw 90210 was on a scale

She has to wear Levi 1002s

She couldn't star in Forrest Gump because she kept eating the box of chocolates

She auditioned for Indiana Jones and got the part of the big rolling ball

She would have been in E.T., but when she rode that bike across the moon the bitch caused an eclipse

Her blood type is Ragu

Her nickname is "DAMN"

She stepped on a talking scale and it told her to get the f*** off